wow... its been a long time! new goal.... teach myself how to read, and by read i mean learn to take time for myself and enjoy reading good books! is it possible with 2 small children? i guess ill find out...

the beginning and the end

well, as many of you know by now, I had planned a visit to my beloved grandpa starting Friday september 17. This day will now be forever etched in my mind. My grandpa's health was poor, but his mind completely aware. He passed 1 hour before my plane landed...I was devistated to learn the man that had a huge part of helping mold me into the woman that I am today was now gone from this earth. This was the day that I have dreaded my whole life. It was always a running joke that I would say "grandpa don't be silly, your going to live forever" and he would laugh and say "well maybe, but I'm ready to be with the lord whenever he is ready to take me, heaven sounds like a wonderful place". Never afraid and always spoke of the end with a smile and that he wasn't afraid. He was the most amazing man I will ever have the honor of knowing and learn from.
I was able to be at his bedside and see him at such peace, touch his hands and talk and tell him all of the things I had planned and most of all tell him how much I loved him and how I will miss him dearly. Then I realized something....in my sorrow and grief I realized that his memory will live with me forever, its true that the body is just a shell for the incredible souls that inhabit them during their time on this earth. Friends and family and memories are what keep that precious soul with us on earth, but also I know that he is rejoicing in heaven with my mom and catching up on the years gone by.
Everyone that I met in arizona ranging from his friends to the nurses that cared for him all said the same things to me..."you were the apple of your grandpa's eye" "he talked about you all the time" "he was so proud of you and the woman you have become"
All of these things warmed my heart because that is all I ever wanted was his love and approval, and strangers came to me with exactly that information. The funny thing is, is that he was exactly all of those things to me :)
I love you grandpa! I will think of you daily. Thank you for teaching and helping lead me into the person I am today. Save a dance for me when we meet again in heaven some day. Godspeed!

stale chips.....

So here is a topic to talk among yourselves....stale chips. Thoughts? Here is my little tale for you to feast on :)
I am a huge chip lover and much to my new husbands dislike I love to enjoy chips in bed on a daily basis. After a long shift on labor and delivery I am very much looking foward to having a sandwich and spicy dorito's. I open them, smell their spicy goodness and am excited to enjoy them, and then it happens....first chip~stale. I ask myself could this happen again? Let's try another! Second chip~ stale...then the question becomes to finish them or not? I say carpe diem! I ate them happily anyway! Maybe weird and strange, but those words are often ones I use to describe myself and my life! Yum!